And I'm done....

Done with doctors that is.

I went for the ultrasound today to make sure there wasn't anything weird on the brain since the cardiologist (who is NOT a brain guy) thought he may have seen something. I went to my regular perinatologist (ultrasound dr. for high risk pregnancies) to make sure. Before the exam even started, he and I discussed my being "done" coming and having ultrasounds. At this point we have ruled out all seriously life threatening issues, so really they are like constant check-ups. He said, well, lets see what we see today. Ok fine, whatever.

He looks and says, "Oh I see what he was talking about." Really??? You've looked at this kid 8 TIMES!!! He says the Nuchal Fold (back of neck) is thick - bloated if you want to talk in layman's terms. Normally this would indicate Downs, which we have rulled out by amniocentesis. So, he looks around all his other organs. That's when he says, "Hmm... there is more fluid." WHERE??? I ask. "That's the liver." SERIOUSLY!!!?? So what does that mean?? Dr. doesn't know. Says maybe his lymphatic system is not fully developed yet and that's why. Um, duh. God never said a baby would be fully developed after 23 weeks. He said it takes 40!! Of course he wants to see me back in 3 weeks. Mike and I have decided not to go.

We feel that continuing to lean on the doctors "opinions" is leaning away from fully trusting God and fully dedicating this baby to God and leaving him in God's hands. A friend told me that her friends didn't even do ultrasounds because "If God wanted us to peak He would have made a window." I really like that. God CLEARLY has proven He is in control by the amazing miracle He has performed in Joshua already, and for that we are so grateful. We have decided since all "life threatening" issues have been ruled out (less the possible "bottleneck" in one of his vessels in his heart) , we will not proceed with funding this perinatolgist's Ferrari fund. We will go back to LA Children's in April as that could be something that would need repair immediately after birth. We also thank God that those crazy dr.'s equip detected the possibility for us so we can take appropriate precautions in case Joshua does need that surgery at birth.

So, I am done, we are done. No more. 8 ultrasounds is enough. I'm over it. Tapped out. I am exhausted anticipating the next visit to see what is happening. I want to transfer the use of that energy to enjoying my 2 girls and my pregnancy. There is nothing I can do about it anyway. I am just a bus rider and God is driving.

Keep praying folks. It's definitely working. I just know it's all going be fine if we just let God finish cooking Joshua!!!